Timeless Treasures Collection
  • Treasure Blog
  • Book Descriptions
  • About the author
  • People Say. . .
  • Contact
  • Store

disorienting loss

6/29/2013

2 Comments

 
Picture
In the past five blogs,
we’ve talking about dealing with “heavy experiences,”
events that throw our lives off-balance.
I shared how I viewed the experience of facing loss as similar to
having a missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle, 
accepting a different kind of flower,
and riding the waves.
However, in processing my losses,
I realized that those perspectives alone do not truly capture the work involved
in regaining balance after a major loss or life change.
That was when I came up with the picture of the balance scale.
 
At first I thought the balance scale was just another way of explaining
the missing piece in the puzzle
or a different  flower:
that after a loss,
we must find ways of filling in the empty gaps of life with something else that is good and meaningful.
But then I realized that it is more complex than that.
 
I think one side of the scale holds all our life experiences.
Day by day new experiences accumulate on this side,
but since most events are not weighty,
these small additions have little immediate effect.
But “heavy experiences” can instantly leave us disoriented and confused,
uneasy and nervous,
because the shift has changed our perspective enough to make us feel out of place.
 
Although adding new things to our lives is one important aspect of dealing with our losses,
it not enough to solve the problem.
The opposing side of the scale holds,
not more experiences,
but our beliefs about life.
This is what causes our distress.
Beliefs that “fit” our life previously,
before the “heavy experience,”
no longer match up.
They no longer make sense.
But for many years, those beliefs have been the foundation on which we secured our lives.
Rarely do we readily dismiss our core beliefs 
because we know, that in doing so, we will cause even greater disorientation. 
So quite often, we exist for some time in a state of misery,
not just from our outer experience of loss
but because that loss has threatened the beliefs we had about what we can expect from life,
from ourselves,
from others,
from God. 
  
Rarely do we share with others this inner distress.
More often we mention how much we miss this or that.
We may quite explicitly express the pain of our loss,
but most of us move through the grief process without comprehending how much is involved.
We fail to recognize that we are dealing with challenges on two sides of the scale:
outer experiences and inner beliefs.

Until next time,
you might find benefit from seeing up close the struggles of one man.
In the Psalms,
David expresses his disillusionment with life. 
He deals with both sides of the scale:
his experiences
and their effect on his beliefs.
In Psalm 10,
notice how David starts with his disorienting beliefs 
then recites the evidence that lead him to his conclusion.
 
Why, O LORD, do you stand  far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? 
In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,
who are caught in the schemes he devises. . . . 
Psalm 10:1-2 NIV

In the end of Psalm 10, David finds resolution.
But we’ll wait until later to talk about that.

I encourage you to make comments on this blog.
Not only is it helpful for us in developing wisdom,
our observations may also be a help to others—including me.

2 Comments
Sharon Pearson link
6/29/2013 11:26:52 am

One wonders how to get back into balance, but it will probably always be a challenge for us to balance experiences with beliefs. There is always a bit of tension (a rub) there.

Reply
Arlene Ussery
7/1/2013 02:03:28 am

Perhaps the biggest problems are these: we don't recognize that is happening so we don't consciously work at re-evaluating our beliefs and we tend to deal with the uncomfortable dis orientation by trying to ignore it, hoping it will go away. Both of these keep us from making the adjustments needs to gain a new balance.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author/Speaker

    Arlene Pinkley Ussery shares insights and research concerning  the power of the story to change values of individuals and societies. Relying on research, she shows how good literature improves readers relationships, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  From her experience of living in Israel and studying the Bible, history, and culture, she deepens readers understanding of Biblical times. Her stories challenge and comfort.

    Archives

    June 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    September 2013
    August 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    November 2011
    September 2011
    March 2011
    November 2010
    October 2010
    August 2010

    Categories

    All
    Anger
    Appreciation
    Arlene'sstories
    Balance In Life
    Change
    Changing Our World
    Dealing With Loss
    Despair
    Experiment
    Impacting Society
    Joel's Wife
    Literature
    Self Imposed Traps
    Self-Imposed Traps
    Sleep
    Speaking Topics
    Stories
    Stress
    Success
    The Value Of Novels
    Transformed In Bethany
    Trip To The Holy Land

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from LizMarie_AK, ohhhbetty, snappybex, Bhernandez, RJ Bailey, Stig Nygaard, kbowenwriter, USDAgov, USDAgov, sarboo, *_*